How to Write a Viral Tech Article

By October 11, 2011

Hip Web Publication: GadTechMoBuzz Logo

Sensational Headline: Why [Major Company] Is Doomed to Oblivion

Bold Personal Prediction: The days are numbered for [Major Company]. After years of triumphant and profitable product releases, the latest edition of [Revolutionary Technology] is a clear indication that the magic has run dry. Not only is this product a total failure in my mind, but it’s also so blatantly unsatisfactory that five of my like-minded geek peers have sworn off using [Major Company’s] services altogether. This is surely the beginning of the end. [Major Company] will go down in history as just another [Well Known Failed Company] who grew quickly, lost their ideals and ultimately closed their doors in shame.

Surface Level Market Information: If you look at the upstart competition’s overly blown and comparatively meager early adoption, the writing is clearly on the wall that the market for [Revolutionary Technology] is ripe for newcomer innovation. In fact, the only way [Major Company] will be able to fend off demise will be to acquire each threat at an absurdly high valuation. This strategy will fail as well given [Major Company’s] track record of botched acquisitions (i.e. [Obscure Company] whose technology is fairly well-integrated into existing products). And besides, the hip founders at the competition aren’t interested in a payday. Their backers don’t want an exit either. They’re after [Major Company] blood!

Skewed Statistics: Let’s look at the numbers. [Major Company’s] growth has slowed dramatically from absurd to healthily sustainable. Clearly they are in trouble. On top of that, insiders report that costs have gone up due to reasonably foreseen circumstances with materials and wage hikes overseas. Consistently profitable margins are suffering at viable levels.

Faux Insider Info: This daring prediction comes on the back of news that two of [Major Company’s] now-marginalized founding team members have recently sold their shares and started a new company in an unrelated market. Moral is surely suffering, as employees are said to be interpreting this as a sign that the hallmark fuzzy corporate culture at [Major Company] is a thing of the past. I can see the cubicle delivery truck pulling into headquarters now. Paging Mr. Lumberg, your TPS reports are ready!

Grandiose Self-Congratulations: Listen, I was a total fanboy before [Major Company] sold its soul to the devil. It’s sad to see that the moderately successful release of [Revolutionary Technology] will be the nail in their coffin. Just remember this: If I’m right, you heard it here first. If I’m wrong, they got lucky in a world of sheep and you won’t recall reading this anyway.

Share This Post